One of those days

I'd lost myself today
I was sat and realised no thoughts crossed my mind
I wanted to feel something
But all I felt was sinking feelings

I had lost myself again
After so many years of building up confidence to fight through the tough times
The lessons and experience fell away and left me alone
No thoughts no control

I went searching for myself
I went through every page in my diary and re - read poems till tears did fall
But I couldn't grasp my thoughts
My head felt empty
There was nothing there at all

Days became weeks
And life wasn't changing
I was getting tired and my heart, it was aching
I didn't want an ear or a doctor
I just wanted me back

Someone told me to man up
Chill out
It will get better
Don't worry
People this, people the other
Don't lose it, don't cry, don't bother
More of this shit and more of the other