When

Listen as you read... 

Slowly the night falls in around me 
outside the window all I see is dark blue skies 
I start to think about cooking my meal and I realise another day has been n gone

I don't want to remember every detail
it does feel like only some stay so clear 
it wasn't a denial you must note, it just crept on in silently
like at the back of a church during a service
not a sound but I felt the presence

I put the heating setting lower as I prepare for sleep
its getting on for midnight
cars are not as hectic now 
houses fall silent around me 
I feel like the only one awake sometimes - should that be a concern to you?

the phone goes on and on, beeping with messages from them all 
busy in their lives but finding the moments to reply
everyone just carrying on carrying on
darker nights now, less light in the day
preparing for the cold - although it doesn't seem to leave us much any more
months just flicking by like the metro paper in the morning searching for the star signs


reading theirs thinking, ooo how is it relevant
looking for a sign in everyone's column
wishing i knew the workings of other peoples minds- but realising I am still learning to understand my own
searching for the memories but realising its the lessons I am to remember 

rain used to be such a chore when i was younger - now I enjoy it
feels like it cleanses and washes shit away
the night is well and truly here, as I type it all away to you whilst lying on my bed
realising how often I try to switch certain switches off, I forget a lot as I do

health can be a worry to us all, no one is honest about their personal pains any more
find these things out as we go, like surprises but not the nice kinds
people just walking out on life, without anything as a goodbye
just off they go, leave you alone on that bench in that park of ruins
leaves fall, blow in the breeze and die as they do year in, year out

When does it end we ask?
Should I treat each day as my last?
Will they forget the spiteful words I spat that day?
Will they know I was just upset?
Knowing that sometimes these things just go exactly as they should... nothing else you can do about it 


Don't worry I am okay :) 
Just washing up the messy plates in my minds eye....