There are those people...

Who are just not worth it...


and then there are those, that are....




You choose! 

I have never pretended to know anything more than anybody else

I just talk about my feelings and how I view the world

&& how my world shatters and how it builds itself up

&& how some individuals are still missed even today... several months on... just because of how they saw the world

&& how it challenged my ideas and I think now about how I'd do a lot to get it back...

 but then i remember that it is reality and not a fantasy,

&& that me wanting and thinking things doesnt change it,

that the time has passed,

that those are now just memories 

every painful thought

every single wish, 

I miss so much... the reason I type this tonight is for two reasons, after work I went for drinks with a really good friend of mine and we spoke about so much in life present and past 

But then I went to catch my bus home and saw this guy, not someone i speak to now but he is a huge part of my childhood, and we now have an added memory of a fallen soldier (mutual friend) too

I was saddened and reminded of days because he was on my train.. the first day I travelled to Leamington Spa.. and it was odd... because when I saw him this time, I was like wow how random here is me, out of my circle of comfort and here he is... small world

&& tonight when i saw him waiting for the 241 bus, looking tired as you do on a friday night... and me there tipsy... I just felt a huge feeling of want... 

I wanted to be back on that train... 

But like I type before... this is when I realised I was in reality... not fantasy...

Good night