As the sun had set

The sun sets much earlier now it seems

The dreams seem to be more vivid

The thoughts that control my daily life are emotional

The way I felt before has reappeared

I cant tell you any lies anymore

I dont wish to delve into it again

I dont wish to soak myself in the once used water that I relied on once upon a time

I dont wish to continue this drag through my days

I dont wish to count down my time here on earth

I dont wish to think too much about you or what you are up to 

I dont wish to miss you at times when I feel most weak

I dont wish to look up at the moon and think can you see it too

I dont wish to carry on this carry on film that classically recalls at this time each night

I wont go over and over the whys and the whats

I wont go over the fact that you called

I wont keep myself from letting you go anymore

I wont let you 

I cant let you

I forgive you

I will let it go

Over now that the sun has set

Over now the night has arrived

Over now the tears have dried and stained my face 

Over now I have forgotten how you sound

Over now you are no longer a name on my page

I will forgive you for all that happened

Fireworks will brighten my sky next week

and I will see the moon

I will see the stars

and I will let it all go

for one last time.

[Just the thoughts that were in my head - wanting to escape]

31/10/11  17:32pm

And please don't stand so close to me
I'm having trouble breathing
I'm afraid of what you'll see right now
I give you everything I am
All my broken heart beats
Until I know you understand

well well well

Well that is a turn for the books.... that is the right saying isn't it?

Oh well screw it, I've typed it now...

I had a lovely day yesterday out with the guy in Brum, cinema, cocktails, and more to drink so I must tell you waking up today at like 6am for the walk with my Uncle was frickin' fantastic... and Yes that is sarcasm, completely drenched in sarcasm that one!

But the 5 miles I walked was very good, and I saw so many cute dogs out and about - Obv Jake included (who is my Uncle Paul's Springer)

Anyways... Last night, I saw somebody from school, he let me into some truths about an ex from before Uni - first love as it goes... stayed on my mind all night after that... 

Hmm and then woke up to other drama on my phone... wat the frick... 

Yes, it is my life and Yes I need to choose the right path and all that jazz... 

But boy, drama doesn't half hold onto me ayyyy

What a frickin' tit!

Toodlez

xxxxxx

RIP DAVID JOSEPH JONES

He was a lovely guy, we had many a mad night out back in the day when you had no responsibilities and no 9-5 and life just seemed so easy

A song that reminds me of you

Rest Easy

Life is so short...... Grab it all!!!

Up In Flames

Evening
Don't worry, the title is not how I feel it is just the name of my fave song on Coldplay's new album - I adore the album and this track is so relaxing




I am feeling so happy these past few weeks... only bad has been over missing my family as my parents, sister and brother in law are in France until Sunday and I miss chatting to them whenever I want to... truth is they are all so busy with life it wouldn't make a huge amount of difference if they had been here all week.. if I really think about it.


But still... it is just how I am sometimes lol


I was just about to get off and go to bed but I had this thought cross my mind...


I needed to get it down to you... as a record of my findings and acceptance


"&& then you realise all this pain.... was for the smiles you have now.. it was all meant to be this way"


I was let down this evening.. for a reason you would all consider quite valid.. not the new guy in my life no (he is the reason I smile) - no this was somebody else.. and the thing is I could just allow it to go and fall away with the evening, but it is not the first time and it is something I struggle with... I am the kinda person to believe in people, and believe unless they completely prove me wrong to the point of tears and hurt, that they are genuinely nice people and dont mean to let me down continually


Although, speaking to my guy before I came to bed, he may have a point... this person may just not be bothered... 


Not nice no... but is it time I let it go? 
Let it blow away in the cold autumn night?

Hmm.. I don't know.. sleep on it yes? Always leave a decision to the morning.. things always seem better in the morning with a cup of Tetley's tea and mini Weetabix!


Good night people


On with the mad dreams I go... as to add, mine last night have been through my mind a few times today crashing into the walls of my conscious processes... of really old faces from before the days of Uni... what is the meaning of that??




"So its over, this time I know its gone, Salt water, tasted it too long..."


Amazing Lyrics.... COLDPLAY - MYLO XYLOTO



 

Nostalgia

I miss University

It is not a major thought of my day, but tonight I have just been thinking wow!

Where did the time go?

This was also on my mind because I just think how quickly time is going, its nearly Xmas

I don't feel saddened really... just a thought- one that will surely pass as the day fades away.

Work is much better now, miss my family as they are in the South of France

I cant help but hope me and this newbie work

Getting to me! 

Good sign- it takes a lot for somebody to get to me !

That is all tonight! 

BTW - I should mention how proud I am of myself... Moving on from a previous chapter gracefully 

....Luckily!!! 

Much Love 

xxxxxx

Inspiring People - Steve Jobs (February 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011)

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Now I am ready

Hey!


Well, this past week has been a bit like OMFG! 
So much has happened, I havnt known if I've been coming or going and to be quite honest with you, I am fed up of the drama.


I have made some decisions this week, it is never the easiest thing to do, - change the habit of a lifetime, but I have finally seen that my "habit" is getting me nowhere.


I think I find things hard to let go because to do so, means you are left just alone with nothing... but this isnt true, I have so many people around me so I shouldnt need to hold on to anything anymore, especially when it just brings me down.


I think you are the result of your attractions, and all I was doing was surrounding my days with the past, I had to let them all go, remove them from my day to day and just accept the ending


I like this guy a lot :-)


He makes me happier than I have felt in years, I literally giggle all the time around him, - and let me just say - that is not something thats common!!!