Oh if only

I didn't do as I do
Repeat the same old
Remind myself of the times cold
Cold old and oh so long ago


Oh if only
You saw how I felt
Felt what I felt
Showed me 
Made me see and made me believe


Oh if only 
We were as we should be
If I wasn't so scared to see
See it be
You and me
How its meant to be 


I like her you see
Its plain to see
I feel it in me 
I'm just scared you see
Been here before and tripped over and fell
Cut my knee 
Broke my heart


Oh if only 
We were that now
Today
Tomorrow 
The future
You were here to stay with me
Lie with me 
Kiss me, fall for me and I for you 
And forever 


Oh if only
I had the guts to tell her
She is what I want
She makes me smile with every text 


Oh if only.... 

Nostalgia

I miss University

It is not a major thought of my day, but tonight I have just been thinking wow!

Where did the time go?

This was also on my mind because I just think how quickly time is going, its nearly Xmas

I don't feel saddened really... just a thought- one that will surely pass as the day fades away.

Work is much better now, miss my family as they are in the South of France

I cant help but hope me and this newbie work

Getting to me! 

Good sign- it takes a lot for somebody to get to me !

That is all tonight! 

BTW - I should mention how proud I am of myself... Moving on from a previous chapter gracefully 

....Luckily!!! 

Much Love 

xxxxxx

What is love?

This is something I ask myself a lot, as there are so many different kinds... the one that I wish to discuss to you this evening is the "falling in love" one!


I feel at 24, I may have done this 3 or 4 times in total, and it has always been so different in its intensity. I am currently in love and I must say it is the type of feeling that makes you feel invincible! Like literally NOTHING can harm you, apart from this individual of course... as that is the catch in my opinion and my experience... you fall all hard and love every moment but once you are there, if you are me you start to worry about how it could all collapse on your face!!


I mean seriously I swear I waste a lot of the feeling of the positive hidden in the deep worry and paranoia... 


Better to of loved and lost than never loved at all??? Really??? Had this person had heartbreak, as unfortunately that is the reason behind my total panic.. knowing how much it hurts when it goes... ouchie!!! Talk about scars....


But is it worth it???? I used to sit alone going over and over past relationships telling myself never again.. it was to painful, I'll just get my career, and my audi tt and my house of cats and that would be me satisfied... but as the reality of this existence started to set in I thought, really?? Could I live a life without this feeling of complete, of waking up in the morning with a smile on your face because you know there is somebody out there that you love, and that they love you back, that warm comforting feeling inside below your ribs of belonging and want. The answer is no, I need to have the love in my life, and yes the loss after a break up is a feeling unlike any other I have ever experienced, where you feel so low and awful and like nothing can change the mood....


My advice?? Let it go, I believe that things never go if you don't accept them for being there... Living through some problems in life, awful moments, complete trauma, all of these times need to be embraced and accepted. Take them with you, as a fading scar on your body, and when you have a bad day, think about how you stood back up after the fall! 


Love to me is the most amazing experience we get as human beings, I cant say child birth just yet... not had the pleasure... and yes OK, it can hurt when it goes, but "shoulda woulda coulda" ---- JUST ENJOY IT WHILST ITS THERE!!! 


I think people (myself included) waste too much time thinking about the what ifs in life and in doing so miss out on that life that is ticking by... no time can be re-lived... so when you find it, live it and enjoy it!!!




Life is about the journey, so enjoy the ride! :)


TC .x.