The real T

Sober in a world that is drunk

I don’t mean in the literal state 

I just mean through its culture and its demeanour 

Living life in a way that pushes norms to this feeling 

This need of euphoria 

Walking through the campsite at 5am this morning 

Seeing the strewn out chairs and bottles 

The cans and big names 

Bombay and bud and somersby 

Knowing that it flew through the veins of several last night 

Knowing that it caused the feeling and brought the dehydration 

That it may have even caused the wrong decisions or the headaches 

Knowing it was once my way of life 

Knowing that would have easily been me

I’d have been there on the front line like the rest

Ordering to get my fix

Drinking to feel better 

To take the edge off

It’s a culture, it’s a way of life

It’s not the danger and not the impact 

But I’ve been through worse

I have seen worse

I have watched the vials get filled and liquid pour in 

I have felt the nausea 

I have felt the panic as my body reacts so unpleasantly 

I have sat with it for days as it swirls through my system 

And this poison was also man made 

But this poison was not alcohol

It was different

It was helping me through the killing of me

Bit by bit 

Cell by cell

It’s like I said 

I’m sober in a world that’s drunk

And that’s not the issue here

I get it

Life is better with it sometimes

But only when you don’t know 

Only when you haven’t seen the reality

behind the curtain 

I can never unsee it 

And I truly hope I never do