gorffwys mewn heddwch

I imagine you are here for a moment
I say a moment but in my thoughts you never leave
see, I would want to explain to you all the years you had missed out on
all those times I wish now I could have asked you for guidance
for help, for your opinion.
I am able to visit you these days, but you aren't here

I picture this sequence
a room with a beautiful view
one of countryside and blissful sounds
a warm summers day, or autumn - autumn can be so pretty
I pour us coffee and we just talk about life
I tell you how I am now as an adult
of all the achievements I sometimes forget
of how hard it was for me to come out and how that now I am, I am free
you would be so proud of me
I like to think you already see
see all that we do on our daily
how the days can be tough sometimes
but that as we grow older, we learn that each day is

the time passes to fast and the day has turned to night
your time is drawing near and  don't want you to go

I understand more as the years pass by Taid
life is fleeting but the memories don't fade
the memories they stay with us
eternally
for a lifetime

When it's all taken away

the day has been long
the hours felt like minutes and you have just had about enough
but you know theres things to be thought about 
and you cant just give up on it
even though the life you had just started has been put into play
and anything we know has been taken away


I play your song
the one that reminds me of you in a way you'd never know
like a secret even I kept
and Im hoping if you read this you know its you
I don't feel as happy as I once was
I always feel like I'm missing out now
like I pulled the short straw
but don't worry
that's just me
not something you can change


the feeling of you still brings the tears
and makes me feel weak all over but in a good way
and takes all the life out my day
like in your own way
but its silly
because its over
and you dont give a crap
and i dont know what to do
and i dont want to let you go because that would mean losing you
and i dont want to forget you either
and i dont want to lose who i am or what you made of me
but you appear a lot more than youd think
when i catch a train
when i am in my local city
the whole thing
I hope you're good
and just so we are clear
its always been me
to care for those who i no longer have
when its all taken away
i think of you




and to be honest
there's no problem
there's no worry
when it's all taken away
I hope that you'll stay

knowing which direction to take...

the decision cant ever be made by other people

you must learn to shut down your thoughts

letting go of the past is one of lifes biggest challenges

learning how to is one of the biggest achievements

controlling your own feelings is something everybody faces

knowing that a decision will lead to something good - feels great

knowing the wrong decision could lead to bad is just a risk we have to trust in

there is no way back once you choose

i know people who passed away and its so sad

some people who even chose to 

we all have our ideas

we all have our dreams

the trick is to ask people for guidance but choose your own route in the end

if you dont feel sure in your choice, go with it and see where it leads you

at least this way you have tried it and you can put it down to experience and a life lesson

people do walk away from your route

they take the exit and you have no choice but to continue down yours 

sometimes you change lanes, sometimes somebody else does

today i spent most my day sorting through my flat

i was getting bits and pieces ready for my IKEA delivery this tuesday

I was reading through old letters, love letters, penpals, ex -memorabilia and it was nice

it was nice because i sometimes think i forget 

i forget how much i have experienced and how many different paths ive been down

im so thankful to each and every one 

i sometimes think i miss these people 

i sometimes feel frightened of the corner coming up and what it might show me

but i also know that i trust my gut

i have done so well so far

the people have all been great

knowing which direction to take is always tricky

its just a game of luck really

but i do believe there is no wrong choice

they are all as they should be

hope you like the song.... 

felt it fit this blog entry quite well. 

thanks for reading x

Sometimes it flows like a waterfall and other times its as still as night...

They do say there "is light at the end of the tunnel" and to keep going until you reach it.... I think this saying really means, that that light is only reached on our last day here... not to be so morbid on a Wednesday but its what I think... You go through life always trying harder, reaching higher, pushing yourself to your own limits to grab at your goal, at your destiny, at your future... and then we move on outta here, almost like a level in a game, we are just a character playing a role and when we complete it, you change character... nice little way of looking at things I think... We should try our best.. we only have one level each... To let this pass and never play? That would be foolish wouldn't it...


However, I have really been pushed to my limit these past few months when it comes to my career-side of life and I don't wish to name those responsible on here as I do believe in karma... So hopefully he does his job there!


I just get annoyed with some people especially after you spend time helping them out with their company in return to only be treated like shiz... I write this not only for myself but for those close to me having the same old crap right now too.


Some people will learn one day... We have to believe that don't we? If they don't what else have we got?


I just want to wake up one day and feel like I'm treated how I deserve to be,
That no-one is putting a negative spin on my little life,
That when I grow older I can look back and smile at the path behind me,
Tell my growing family that this is how it was when I was younger,
For them to learn that nothing in life is free,
That the good comes to those that deserve it, 
... But then I remember that in some cases that isn't always true and that some people can be dealt a shiz hand now and then...




I don't wish to get too low on my little blog to those people out there taking the time to read it,
I just like to note the thoughts in my head exactly as the words form,
I like to think that when I am older I can look back and remember this, 
That I will not regret and will have lived a life full of experiences that I can cherish
That those I care about are treated fairly,


Its all we hope for, life is about hope, determination, experiences and just carrying on with it, keep going on... whatever hurdles you jump, or fall upon just brush yourself off stand up tall, head high and carry on...




"KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON" its all you can do sometimes... 


There is a light at the end of the tunnel for us all, so enjoy finding it....




TC .x.