Final performance

Sat in front of my mirror, brushing my hair, planning an outfit, applying my make up, not looking in my own eyes too often... music playing, plans awaiting my arrival

Strip my soul bare, uncloth all my layers, pull away the lies, tears will fall as I hear the brawl inside of my head keeping the secret... I'm fighting my way out of a room, one in which I created and I made and I struggle with oh too often

I can look and I can watch but thats where it all stops, the rest is all a matter of "lights, camera, action" and I'm just tired now. .. 27yrs of all this action and faking and just trying ever so to ignore my own heart my own gut and the now twisted lost in the dark mind

No longer
I'm done curtains fall to the ground and bow it out for the last time

Thanks for coming

not a sound

not a whisper
not a noise at all
not a peek 
not a movement 
not a look that says too much
not a tear 
not a care 
not a fear 
not anything at all
not an us
not a pair
not like each other
nothing there
don't try and fix it
don't say its broken
don't get involved in anything
not happy here
not willing to share
the feelings inside as they have become too much to bare
not a sound 
not a whisper 
not a noise at all

I don't look backwards
I don't look forwards
I just stare
I don't complain
I don't lie 
I don't regret

I need to move onwards
to do so, shed the old stuff
let it all float away
wave goodbye
so sincere
not a pain at all

silently it will fall away
shrivel to become a nothing
take up no time of yours or mine
not be a nuisance or a problem
or an issue you all discuss
whisper about me or near me or of me
have an opinion you plead to share

not a sound I said
not a whisper to be heard 
not a noise at all
nothing is to ever be disclosed
don't share too much
never give it up
never give yourself away
just find that place that brings the smiles 
that brings the happiness
that frees your trapped heart
and live it
even if it means leaving
leaving what you have
with risk comes rewards...
My Nan told me that... 

Need to stop and remember

It wasn't the last straw really,
It just felt like it, 
Like it often does when you forget to blow off some steam


That if you allow it too, life will control you
You need to always remember you are driving it
You need to control life
Control what you do
Never blame the other or the weather or the drink
Never blame the situation or the lack of sleep or the mood swing
Accept every misfortune as a result of bad decisions
Of bad steering, of letting life control you




Such a young age and such a broad opinion of the world I am in
Such a small time but such honest opinions 
I don't believe too much in mistakes
I believe in trying and trying until there is no try left
Until the hands are bleeding from all the work 
Until your brain is as dry as the sand and there's nothing left to create
Until the time is almost going backwards and your time is up




I never thought I had it in me until tonight
I was at my gym and I was ready to back up and let life control me
But I figured I would push for more
I believed my body had more to give
And it did, it made me proud it was capable
I made me proud I was capable


Which is where I will leave tonight's little thought
I will pop off to bed in a short while and sleep off the day my body has carried me through 
And I will stop and remember that I am lucky enough to be here
The news shouts at you about the way things are for some and others and you and it makes you stop and think 
Stop and think
Stop and think and think some more


Each day will be what you want from it
It will rain if you let it
It will be warm and sunny if you make it
You will smile if you chose to and you will cry if you don't prevent it


Shoulda' Woulda' Coulda'... Last words of a fool...
Remember that!!!


Go out get it grab it with both hands and don't let it go until the blood is pouring down your arm, 
Work hard and life will do the rest :) 




ONE OF MY FAVE SONGS RIGHT NOW!!