A few kind words

Today I felt sad
I was playing music and remembering the young times
The times as a child
Sitting in the back seat with my brother and sister
The music playing loudly
Knowing the words
It was his music
His songs
He was letting us into his teenage/early adulthood life
He was making us understand
The lyrics were blazed but the songs meant unity
We would look forward to hearing more
First it was queen, it was the eels, it was nick Drake, twin peaks, and the French man whose name has left me

Any night since I am snapped straight back
Those few starting notes throw me
I am a child again
The songs are singing loud in my head
I can never forget and honestly I never want to

My parents have always been wrapped up in music,
Bowie, REM, Gabrielle, Abba etc etc
Just moments and stop gaps and memories

This morning a song was played
It was both Bowie and Queen
Mum and Dad
It felt different today
It made me feel happy but sad
I was scared for what will be, one day
I had realised finally that I was no longer a child
I was no longer young
I am an adult
But I will always remember dance lessons and holidays and panto at Christmas
Of singing the words and making up dances
Of being the middle child of three
In the back seat of a family sized car
Going somewhere
With a family who have been there through everything
Irreplaceable
World class people
Who I love dearly
And eternally

Abandoned

What is left in the abandoned
What can you see
From the walls rotting
To the windows broken
What is left in the abandoned
What did it used to be
Such a beautiful building
Full of warmth, smiles and delight
Now it is a shell of its former self
Now it has no sign
Now its just a what was
Now its not even a thing

No one takes much notice
Driving passed its shell
No one ponders what it was
It's just stood tall looking worn
It needs to be renovated
It needs to be pulled down
It needs to disappear
And stop being such an eye sore
The attachment is no more
The people who knew it have left
The memories that lingered have died
The smell of the offices has gone
It's just damp, rotten and empty
No conversation can be heard anymore
No life has been seen inside
No one can turn the clock back
The lunch breaks with people has deafened us
The environment and atmosphere is white noise
Nothing can be remembered
The building stands waiting
Waiting for its future
Waiting for its fate
Years go by
The windows are broken
The walls are ruined
Eventually it's ending will appear
The council will arrive
Bulldozer in tow
It will be ripped down
Dragged with force against its might
The bricks will crumble and fall from such height
It will be a broken mess
A pile of rubble and has been
Nothing more than a mess
A large mass of mess
That once was full of life
Full of vibrancy
Now nothing more than grey nothings

Gone are the days

Gone are the days of outdoor play
Parks and swings and slides and mud
Team games and races and getting grass stains
Fun and adventure and adrenaline
Climbing trees and collecting conkers
Finding daisies and skipping ropes
Dodgeball, football, and parachute
Summer schemes and youth clubs and Sunday schools
Having hobbies that require the outdoors
Playing in the garden with imaginations
Siblings talking at meals on nights out
Story time and bed times before 7 o'clock
Respecting your elders and never swearing
Growing up free and happy and healthy
Gone are the days of dolls and tape players
For technology stole the fantasy
Now it's a plug switched on and a hand held device
Now they stare down and follow the light
Now it's a tantrum over an ipad or tv
Now its a room where they never want to leave
Now it's a new phone like an apple or an orange
Now it's solo and lonely and dull
Now it's knives and guns and stabbings
Now it's a real crime if you have a fall out
Now it ruins lives for ever
Now it fills parents head with terror
Now it's a news story smashing up the headline
Now it's not real life at all
A troll was a toy that had glittery coloured hair
Not a demon behind a keyboard
Not someone out to make life unbearable
But a collectable we all had
Gone are the days of my childhood
I hope it flips back
I hope social media crashes
I hope the apple rots

Sunshine through the window

There we are
Look at us in that faded picture
Where did you find this
It's all dusty and rotten in this album
Forgotten bliss
That's what it is

Remember when we had days full of laughing
When you made me cry with smiles
Almost impossible to recall your laugh
Your smile, your face...

When you are younger no one ever warns us
Never says hang on you know this life
It changes
It fucks up too
You lose what you have
Your friends, family even, looks even
Imagine that
Your favourite jeans
Won't fit you
You won't even like them

That the body you are running in, won't work like it used to
Your bones will crack
You will ache
You will get tired and want to sit down

Don't do this incase you ruin that
Don't speak to them incase you get led astray
Don't try to live your life at godspeed
Don't try and race others

We are not the same
You are different
Different is always good
Fresh
Natural
Be you

Don't waste 20 years trying to be someone else
Don't block yourself out
Take her out
Dance
Let your soul fly
Stop shutting her away
Keeping her prisoner
Keeping her banished in the cellar
Pushing her deeper into the water
Drowning her innocence
Let her fcukin be
Shut out the bullies
Don't wear that victim's suit
Don't let them drag the smile away

So far away you forget to follow it
Lose it for so long
Lose yourself in liquor
Lose yourself in fear
In loathing

Always write
Always release your emotions
Set them free like a dove
Watch them fly high and hold themselves
Confidence is catching
Courage is strong
Belief is real
When you are younger no one warns you
No one tells you life will change
That the routine won't suit you
That the clothes won't fit
That your face will change
The life and times will be drawn upon your expressions and carried forward through your years
Into your late adulthood
Into your retirement
Keep your spark
That little girl always had a spark
Keep it
Hold it
Cherish it
Your eyes show innocence
Your heart shows scars
They glow in the dark
Your body carries stories
Stories entwined in your make up
Encompassed in strength
Be you
Forever

Life can be so trying

Life can be so trying
It can honestly drag you backwards through the worst memories of your life
It can make you visit places and people in your dreams that hurt you.

Life can be so demanding
It can take away your time and replace it with anxiety and worry
You can be sat there quite happily alone in a wonderfully lit sky and day
And then drag you back into your worries
Your concerns of the future
The panic of work arriving when you need it
The concerns and desperation in your voice as you try and rearrange days to suit you
The tears drown your eyes as they say it might not go your way
The life you created might not go your route
You find yourself on paths of uneven roads and you aren't in the right shoes
You are falling and tripping over everything in sight
You are getting cut and bruises are forming
Your patience has worn thin and you are crying now
Alone on this path to nowhere

But I'm telling you that path was always been your route
It was always to be this way
Destiny was already written
You need to take the challenge and see it through
Trust in your ability to create a beautiful future
To find and land upon the career and job of your wildest dreams
Work in an environment that is settling and true
Feel empowered and respected
Work your way to your own goals
Trust in your abilities as a professional
Life has thrown more
You have loved and lost and been afraid
You've had fears arrive in front of your face and happen
You have been broke and you have always made the most
You are not a defeatist
You are powerful and capable
People who have worked with you, they believe in you
They offer to give references on your character
Yes it's hard now
It's been 9 long weeks and it's been really tough
But each day you have greeted the day and you have got through it all
Alone through the day and still existing
Making sure you have the courage
Searching and applying but never giving in
Remember that.
Your inner strength has always been so powerful
On your left wrist sits that tattoo reminding you that you can and you will

So yes, life can be so trying
But that's OK because you are ready and able

Life can be so trying

Life can be so trying
It can honestly drag you backwards through the worst memories of your life
It can make you visit places and people in your dreams that hurt you.

Life can be so demanding
It can take away your time and replace it with anxiety and worry
You can be sat there quite happily alone in a wonderfully lit sky and day
And then drag you back into your worries
Your concerns of the future
The panic of work arriving when you need it
The concerns and desperation in your voice as you try and rearrange days to suit you
The tears drown your eyes as they say it might not go your way
The life you created might not go your route
You find yourself on paths of uneven roads and you aren't in the right shoes
You are falling and tripping over everything in sight
You are getting cut and bruises are forming
Your patience has worn thin and you are crying now
Alone on this path to nowhere

But I'm telling you that path was always your route
It was always to be this way
Destiny was already written
You need to take the challenge and see it through
Trust in your ability to create a beautiful future
To find and land upon the career and job of your wildest dreams
Work in an environment that is settling and true
Feel empowered and respected
Work your way to your own goals
Trust in your abilities as a professional
Life has thrown more
You have loved and lost and been afraid
You've had fears arrive in front of your face and happen
You have been broke and you have always made the most
You are not a defeatist
You are powerful and capable
People who have worked with you, they believe in you
They offer to give references on your character
Yes it's hard now
It's been 9 long weeks and it's been really tough
But each day you have greeted the day and you have got through it all
Alone through the day and still existing
Making sure you have the courage
Searching and applying but never giving in
Remember that.
Your inner strength has always been so powerful
On your left wrist sits that tattoo reminding you that you can and you will

So yes, life can be so trying
But that's OK because you are ready and able

Rabble and cocktails

Should there be a moment
A time to stop and think
A time to really understand the situation
Does life even give you that these days
It's like everyday is on a countdown
No one seems to stop and see what's happening

Should we call it quits
Tell everyone it's over and let it all fall away
That way the commentators will find another drama to haunt
Leave us to clear up the party and move on

For parties are a thing to discuss
You can spend hours planning one
Weeks even
Go into the whole detail
The food the drinks the people
Decorations and themes
People showing up excited and full of the birds of spring
The music is played and the drinks flow and the people chat and dance
The conversation becomes deeper as the night continues
The drinks become anchors or confidence for some
You see those shy become louder and able to talk to their 3 year crush
The conversations are steeped in emotion and it can become really quite deep and necessary for many to offload the weeks shit they have carried
Empty the rucksack on their back of all the shit they are carrying and dealing and hating and not needing
Search for closure in a gin and tonic
Hope it brings the answers the mundane 9-5 doesn't
Trust in the stranger who now knows more than their closest friends
The stranger who brings the shoulder and doesn't let them down
The stranger who sits and listens with a patient ear and concerned wisdom filled voice

Then the day dawns in
The sun is coming up and the garden seems full of voice and need
The taxis are ordered and the garden looks like a bomb site with all the drinks and left food plates
The host clears as she goes with a bin bag. Checks in on her guests and keeps the evening rolling
The drinks are empty
The bins are full
Some guests leave lighter than they arrived
They have closure and happiness
They await a hangover and prepare with water and paracetamol
The party was a success
New friendships are formed
Love blossoms

Unforgettable but meaningful and something that will last in the memories of those who attended for weeks and months to come.