Never another day

Never another day like that day I found you please

I can barely fathom the stages it’s so hard to believe 

Never another day like that appointment looming on that treasured final night of the year in 2022

Never another day like that one that took my breath away with it, and the person I was in that moment stopped, and this new one took over 

Never another day like that one before the operation lying in bed knowing you were growing inside me

Never another day like that birthday that felt oh so flat and painful as I caught those tubes on the sofa as I walked away

Never another day like the one I thought she’d not make it to, a taxi and alone for my first chemo but luckily she made it through 

Never another day like that one I realised how bad this was, how sick I felt, and how scared I really was

Never another day 

Never another day like that one when I realised my marriage was truly over and that I’d never return to my job of 6 years, 

Never another day like that one when I sat in my house knowing that would be the last time ever and all those dreams and plans up in smoke 

Never another day like that one I met all those people in that residential stay at the hospital, suffering with awful tumours and learning of the life they so very much hung on to 

Never another day

Never another day like the times I’d catch my reflection and think how did I get so sick, so pale and so bald

When did I become a long term patient 

Never another day 

I can’t keep up with the days and weeks and months that have been before me as I sit typing this 

I can barely process the angst, the tears and the loss of so many parts of my previous life

My previous life where for granted was so real, time seemed endless and future planning was my hobby 

I have changed forever and in some ways I’m so glad I have 

Too many months of real unhappiness, needed a reason to end them 

Needed a reason to leave 

My situation was not serving 

My life was not enough 

I can remember the reaction when I spoke those words, “I will never be the same again, I won’t be returning to normal…” never a truer statement 

Forever changed 

Never another day of that woman, this life started in that moment on that Friday afternoon, 10th Feb 2023. 

Never another day wasted 

Never another day taken for granted 

Never another day of unkindness to myself, or blame… as 2024 people say “it is, what it is”