I landed somewhere I’d never landed before
The unfamiliarity felt familiar
I didn’t panic and I didn’t stutter
I found my route out and I type this from a seat on my last but one part of my journey
I spent all my life looking for the familiarity
For the smile that made me feel safe and protected
I have smiled at the wrong people
Those people abused me
They used me and they spat me out
I have rebuilt my personalities and dissected the scars from the pools of wastage on the floor
But still I have them
Those scars might have faded now but they will remain there forever
Like a continuous reminder of battles I fought
I might have been injured in them but I am still here
Not seen like a hero though
I’m not on any tv show
I didn’t admit to the reality of those times
I don’t even tell myself
Smiles are easy to do
But they don’t mean anything
Look into the eyes
That is when you will see the real truth
For people can’t hide the truth in those
I had this way of watching people
Years of befriending the enemy made me feel check
Focus in and see what’s there
Not what I want to see
But the realness
You know that moment a bulb goes
Say a set of three lights and one goes pop
At first it’s like it’s gone dark
Even though there’s two left
For that initial shock and that initial bang
You could argue it’s black out
But you adjust
You get used to it
It may not be the same but it still kind of does the job
I mean 2s better than 1 right?
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