Change is coming

When its all said and done

And the curtains are drawn and the new day is starting to reveal itself through the far away views across the hills

And the light is filtering in and the minutes count down the end of yet another 24 hours on this earth 

It is within the silence that our mind starts to travel

It starts to think over the has beens of this week or month 

But when something such as our current life happens, Covid19 to be exact floats in quietly 

Not enough people are awake to listen

And before we know it we are swamped with the unfortunate acts of this virus which is taking lives away at a rate of knots

We cannot contain it and we cannot control it and in life that is all we ever want

Think about arguments they are usually masked in some kind of control or authority 

Whether someone has too much or too little 

But that is usually the issue is it not?

Now we are faced with the actuality that life is not that strong 

In fact even after decades of reminders over plastic and the ozone layer and global warming even after the impact on the Antarctic only now are we really listening 

Only now is life less selfish and less egocentric 

Now we are in a environment where we can not move freely

We cannot do as we please or roam where we like 

We are stuck in one place with very little freedom 

We are restricted by rules set by our leaders

We are not thinking about silly issues at work or stupid rows with people

We are thinking about our health and our humanity 

We are thinking about family and how little we really do

How little we really contact 

How much we want to say

The fact that we are adults now with new lives and daily routine 

We are now pushed into a corner without any access

We are teaching from home

We are missing contact 

But for me, I am stuck with my favourite and that I am thankful for

I am thankful for having that in my life 

That even though its really hard right now, at least I am with the one person who truly understands my feelings and knows how to help me

Life would be so trivial 

Drives home stressed out by such little things really 

On the scale of life right now, these little things pale into insignificance

They are no longer important and there they should remain 

We need to believe that a brighter day is coming 

Like the moon did last night, it shone bright and strong 

One thing we are used to, is the power of the moon 

Luckily that has not changed 

But everything else has and should 

We cannot not go backwards 

We need to take all lessons from this pandemic 

Make a change and keep it 

Life is too short 

Health is vulnerable 

We are not as indestructible as we think we are

Pandemics are rare but are changing our way

Paving new roads

To new lives 

Also a personal reminder 

No longer should you look and seek validation from anybody other than yourself 

You are strong 

You are capable 

Own it 

Mum Arnii

From day one you just understood who I was

You knew my language

You would know when I needed a hug 

We were encompassed in a friendship that went deeper than blood

We would be able to really talk to each other and it make a difference 

You picked me up when I felt unable 

You'd be a guide in the dark

You would warn me even if I went ahead anyway 

You are someone who must have experienced enough to pass on your wisdom to us and others

You are a professional who has empowered people all your working life 

You were someone, as a child, that I wanted to be

I always wanted to make you laugh

I have always wanted to make you proud 

You are my Mum

You are my anchor to life

You helped me through the difficult times and came with me through the good

You have a great sense of humour

You have great dress sense

You love shoes and old school drama series

You love Bowie

And I love you

Happy birthday Mum

Be proud of all you have achieved and who I am, as a result of your guidance

Just four walls and boxes of unplayed cassettes

Go on grab me that box from over there

Have you ever seen these?

You won't be familiar at all

Probably won't have any way of playing them

Me and my sister used to record on them

We were quite techy for the time

Now though you don't even own 

You just stream

The filter dream 

The complicated obsessive compulsive reactions

No thinking 

Just yellow blobs of expression 

No real depth 

No real pain 

You know I can recall a time where we sent letters 

Not in the post always 

But in lesson

Hand written

Pens, paper, little conversations 

They were kept and treasured 

There was never problems with memory and deleting files

They were never taken out of context 

They were never shared and reshared and shown to a global world on some network of infinite WiFi 

I can recall a time where we would just chill out 

A blanket in the garden, a magazine about pop stars, or a sibling

We did chores the same, learnt to cook the same 

But it was all physical contact 

None of this social life over the Internet 

None of this social media existence 

We couldn't just delete a page 

We were in real time

It was remembered 

Getting drunk for the first time 

Talking about real feelings

Staying up all night in each others company 

Sitting with only the traffic as a background noise 

Films on videos 

Music on cassettes

Cds and dvds

Being out 

Social distancing for us is not a norm

It never was

Being stuck inside

It's not easy for our generation 

Well, as I said

These are cassettes 

They stored all we wanted

You couldn't press repeat

We lived in the real time 

Big brother

Life is full of watchers and stalkers and Cambridge analytica

They are in every home

Every street

They follow your every move

They read your messages and watch your searches

They watch you when you think you are alone

They hear you talk to yourself 

They watch you lie and cry

They see it all

They push you into the way they want you to be

They mould you and groom you

They show you articles of hate

They get inside your head 

They push your buttons 

They make relationships blossom 

They pull you apart 

They drag up your memories and rake over scars via apps we have installed giving access to our secrets

They know your favourite clothes and shops and routes to work 

They know when you go out and drink they read those texts you send to your other halves and save the pictures

Big brother is not something we can escape 

It is a game and access we have been set up on

One without levels or ways out

Just winding roads and no lights 

The media creates the problems 

Creates the culture of panic and moral dilemma

It takes away esteem and pushes limits 

Takes lives and innocence 

Puts us all into fearful places 

With no way out 

No small door or open window

Just cctv and app access

Accept this or do not install

Put all of your details everywhere

Email, password, access key

We will store them and create a fingerprint of you forever

And even when you are dead

We will remember and set up social media in loving memory.. 

time is never changing

Time is never changing

We have had the same time in a day since we entered this earth 

But age can change that 

Age can make some days drag 

Age can make some days fly by 

Age can stop time

I have had a good time in my life

I have loved with all that I am and felt it back

I know what I want here 

I want to have memories and deep experiences that make the hairs stand on my neck

I want to have holidays with views that stop time 

Stop me walking and hold me in place

I want to see a sunset that won't let me blink

I want to lay below a blue sky with a tipple and my wife by my side

I want a full filled life

One which brings me to bed each night, exhilarated but tired

Tired because I am doing all my body will allow me too

Exercising because I want healthy organs

Eating well to nourish all I have to ensure my life is lived healthily and right 

To keep my conscience clear from deceit and lies

To tell people what I think with sensitivity and empathy 

To be that teacher that students learn vital lessons and grow through 

Build discipline into the future generation 

Be kind and compassionate 

So that when my time is up

And its recorded as my last minute, my existence is not forgotten

But that its left memories in people's minds as they grow older

The teachers I remember from my education help shape me now

Maybe I could help shape others

Time does not change 

We change 

Joey, my beautiful cat

I miss you
I miss your face, your eyes and your fluffy tail and paws
I miss the massages on my arms you used to give me
I miss your lil noises your miaow and your cleaning rituals
I miss your comfort and your affection
I miss your scent and the thickness of your fur
I miss how you'd sit and listen to me ramble on
I looked to you for advice and in my heart I felt you gave it
You calmed down rows
You made us feel needed on dark days
You were beautiful
You were Joey
I will love you forever
The pain of you leaving us last night is deep and it hurts
But i trust that you are near and you will guide us through it
Like you did
Through no work and stress and anxiety
And grief of other pets and family
Through life you were with us
On holidays and sunny days and long cold wintery days
This is not goodbye
This is, I'll see you soon

You were my fur baby. You brought so much happiness to me and P. We were the ♥️🔼

Life is not the same anymore but I trust that it will repair. We will grieve and we will repair. I love you
28/12/2019
28th April 2004 - 27th December 2019

Xmas day 2019

And as we walk down the last short tunnel to the end of the year we try not to look back

To look back would make us focus less on what's coming up and this way we could trip

We try not to look back at the parts of life we have missed or the parts of life we wish to forget 

We try not to ponder on decisions we have made and those pending

We try to look at the future with open eyes

With hearts full but ready for more

Families are close but not as close as they were when the days were shorter and our skin was younger

Christmas is not the same but a new experience, a mature version which is filled with splendour and expensive meals and gifts

It's not about the falling asleep and trying to dream, waiting for Father Christmas but the trying to stay awake as the clock ticks down the day, 

Work is full and gets fuller each year as our experience and expertise grows

We are not planning weekends but years in advance and its exciting

Our life is round and full

My heart beats and its happy

I have few close friends left but those left matter

I have close colleagues who find the good and keep it

I have family full of warmth memories and the best hugs and a cat who has given me fun and love for almost 16yrs

Then there's my wife

She's a perfect day in a wretched sleet filled view

She's the soft in the rough and she's my life

Sunsets are stunning glistening off her eyes and I look forward to each year we celebrate together entwined