Tell Me The Tales of Times Gone By

tell me the tales of times gone by
lose me in your words and your descriptions of love
watch me as i drift off to the clouds above and float like an angel
undamaged unhurt, never loved,
look into my glistening eyes in the distant sun and look at all the beauty
no secrets in my eyes, no hurt in my soul just pure and clean

tell me the tales of times gone by
and watch me try to hide the pain
as you detail your loss and struggle, watch me struggle to listen
as i pace the room raising  my voice so loud, trying to understand how you could have let such great things go
you calm me down, you sit me down and you tell me that sometimes this is how our life can go

it was not just the hurts or the losses it was the deaths too
it was all crazy and all lost, and all caught up in the storms

tell me the tales of times gone by
of all of my mistakes
of all of my regrets and how sometimes it was not meant
building another layer, fitting another wall
dragging myself through the days and weeks, and wondering when i look back over my shoulder where all the time had gone

wrap it up now please,
be careful with what is left, its all i have
see me off on my journey again and trust in me
i will do my best to keep it happy
keep  it real and to i will look forward to falling in love again
until then....

gorffwys mewn heddwch

I imagine you are here for a moment
I say a moment but in my thoughts you never leave
see, I would want to explain to you all the years you had missed out on
all those times I wish now I could have asked you for guidance
for help, for your opinion.
I am able to visit you these days, but you aren't here

I picture this sequence
a room with a beautiful view
one of countryside and blissful sounds
a warm summers day, or autumn - autumn can be so pretty
I pour us coffee and we just talk about life
I tell you how I am now as an adult
of all the achievements I sometimes forget
of how hard it was for me to come out and how that now I am, I am free
you would be so proud of me
I like to think you already see
see all that we do on our daily
how the days can be tough sometimes
but that as we grow older, we learn that each day is

the time passes to fast and the day has turned to night
your time is drawing near and  don't want you to go

I understand more as the years pass by Taid
life is fleeting but the memories don't fade
the memories they stay with us
eternally
for a lifetime

Closet talk

Today I could have screamed it
Got sent out the room for the noise
As I watched and listened it upset me
I could and would never feel like they did
I sometimes felt like I'd lost a game
One I had stuck at for years and years
All the effort, all the tears, the dark moments and memories
All for nothing
I couldn't change it
The trying didn't change anything
Not a damn thing

They are all laughing
Passing around opinions trying to involve me
I cant do it
I don't feel it
They can't see it
And I can't say
It's too hard
Can't un say words
This is real time
Can't undo
So I smile
I laugh along
I talk like I get it too
Feel it too
But I don't
I can't
I never will
I never did
I'm ok with it
But are they?
Should I say?
Would it be worth the risk?

Finding my feet

Tell me you are here and that you are ready
ready to help me change my life for the better
sit with me a while and wait until I stop crying
crying because I am exhausted
exhausted by my life

Call me tonight and listen to my woes
listen to my heart break through the phone
listen to my mind play tricks on me
catch me quick, don't let me flee

Just help me stop all of this gaming
the one in which I lost my footing
the one in which the light goes out
and I cant be found

Tell me you are here for me and always will be
help me clear up all the mess I have made
the mess of my heart is stained on the carpet
and I don;t know how to stop it all crumbling away

As I start the bath, the water runs over me,
it takes away all of the mess
all of the damage
all of my worries and they all get lost in the plug hole
they all float away forever

I am free

Bright Spirit

The sun was a spirit that kept us smiling
A day with the sun out was a positive one
People got out and about more
Spent more time
Out and together
Laughing and talking and being

Being free
Feeling alive
Believing anything is possible
Not giving in
Not running away

Enjoy the warmth of the sun
Remember how you feel
How you want your life
How it is all there in front of you
Reach out
Be true
Be true to you

Better late than never

Watch me from a car on the street outside my house
Turn off your engine and breathe in my style
Forget about where you should be and watch me
Watch me as I live like I'm alone
Like no one has seen the sadness

I will get ready for a night out
One I have planned for most the year
The sun is out and my spirits are so high
I couldn't ask for anymore

I wasn't meant to be in this story
I feel like I have messed up my destiny
Nothing I believed in exists
I'm not saddened or angry I'm just disappointed
I feel lost, the walls are too white, nothing looks lived in anymore
Just blank it out
Smudge out the personalities and paint them all grey
Don't smile and never love

Worry about the way you look and the way you feel and the way people see you
Don't relax and always breathe in when you're around people
Don't ever let a single tear fall, tilt your head back and push the emotions back into that brimming heart and mind of yours with the creative river bursting at the edges
Praying to escape, to stand at the top of the world and shout out the truth

Calm yourself dear,  don't let on that you find this world suffocating at times
That you wish people worked out for fitness and not vanity
Then when you looked at another you all just saw beauty and not a clothes size or an envious undertone
Just beauty

Watch me from a car on the street outside my house
Look hard enough and you will see the fear as I live each day
As the truth now envelops me and protects me and sometimes I wish you all knew
Knew that I am ok with how it all ended up
I guess it was all a little late
And old faces are back and unchanged
But on oath I will just add
That yes I do have regrets
I regret that  I wasn't enough to accept myself
That I felt trapped and lost for too long
But now is my time
Better late than never
Better late than never

A description of patience

Suddenly the room became dark
So dark I couldn't find the light switch
I shuffled around helplessly
Straining my eyes to see more as I grew scared
I was alone and I couldn't see anything in front of me
I couldn't shout out as no one could hear me
I was alone up here in this house and I couldn't stop the shivers
The night was in full now as it crept closer to the morning
I was curled up in a ball as the cold surrounded me
I had my eyes closed and I was sobbing
I just had to wait