Blank

I tell you I feel blank
I say it cuz it feels true
i feel like theres so much going round my head
and most of its about you
and you ask me why im sad at work
and why i dont laugh like i used to
and i reply with i dont know
i just always thought id have more to show

i tell you im tired
even though iv only just woke up
i tell you its getting late
and we can see the sun
I tell you I feel blank today
but thats not strictly true
as, as it happens i know exactly what to say to you and exactly what to do
see i do see past the walls that keep me locked away 5 days a week
and i can see myself being a little different in my future gains
the only problem is iv lost my map
and i cant remember the way
and im so used to these streets i keep walking around them
and im sick of them
and im sick of all of this

I tell you I feel blank
but really my heart is a thousand colours
a thousand colours all swirling and getting confusing and just you know turning
and we are all just staring at the world going passed outside the windows
and we see the rain fall, and the thunder break up the silence, and the sun burn us on our breaks, and the snow keep us locked away at night
and we all just carry on
we all get on
we all like each other
i have a crush
we all have a something that we need and want

Blank as to how I get mine... waiting for the coin to drop...

Will You? It's ALL about the Rhyme n Ting!!

just shut up and listen a second
do not make a sound as i start to explain
please would you stop disrupting me, you are stuffing up my flow
please just listen would you 
what i have to say is for all of you
what im trying to explain is important


oh come on now, just hold off your words
i cant hear myself think any more
i know i have a lot to get off of my chest
i know if i dont i might just accept
that maybe you lot just wont ever really hear me
that i could be screaming from the rooftops and you wont even see me
that i could be shouting at the top of my lungs till my voice got lost in the atmosphere
that i could beg and plead with you just to lend your ear


that i may have to just give in and keep it all inside
that when you are all talking away at each other i am dying inside
that i am crying alone at night
that i dont have a clue or a direction in sight
that i just struggle each day of my life
that i dont try to bring you down or tell you right


i know that im asking you over and over
and i know that you have to say things to me too
but now that i finally have you all sat quietly
i go to speak my thoughts but suddenly i dont have a clue

A Moment

Take a moment to hear me, before you run out on me
take a moment to listen to how I feel too
take a moment to hear how it all fell apart
take a moment to see me


see me i ask, as i cry out all we had
watch me, i say as i struggle to control it all
don't just leave me tonight i beg
as i contemplate being here alone


take a moment i plead as you start to walk towards the door
just a minute please, i need to explain it to you more
packed bags in anger, clothes being flung all over
our bedroom a state as you lose your temper
our picture shattered on the floor


not anything to hold on to any more
you just wont take this time to hear it at all
you just scream at me as you start to explode
your tears being spat as you shout at me some more
we both cant help what has happened
we both cant slow it down to try and save us


take a moment i say but the door has been slammed shut
and i am left in this house, i am left in this chaos
i am left to pick up the pieces we both scattered all over the floor
not anything to save, not anything to savour, not anything at all


take a moment
take a moment to think it all through before you just speak it 
take a second to think about what will happen once the news is dropped
a moment
is sometimes too much to ask for
too much to request
too much to expect
a moment, is sometimes just too long.

We Are Just Stars

floating around
direction-less most the time
bumping into things
forgetting the reasons and whys


sprinkled out all over the sheet that covers our lives
in the huge black sky
rain falling oh so much right now
not having a clue what to do
twinkling in peoples eyes as they pass in streets
searching out and finding all that you need to know


glistening and seeing which is brightest
each important no winners or losers
beauty is not just skin deep and we all should learn this


We are just stars
we are all who we are
we are all as free as we want to be
we are just stars

A Toast

I can see it now
the house is modern, the grass is neat out the front, 
just an ordinary street
all you can hear are the birds
all you can feel is happiness
fluffy clouds in the sky
life is just as it should be


I can see my girlfriend, in the garden playing with our child
the cats running around their feet
laughter and giggling
I walk towards my front door and it fills me with such a feeling of happy


I am so happy to have it 
I have returned from a day at work in a job that I love
A job I have wanted all my life
I am in love with the girl of my dreams
We have a healthy child and I'm so happy to be alive


To want things in life is a good thing
to dream about the days you want to see is just lucky
imagination is the key to finding out what you want
A toast to life
A toast to knowing that all is what you want it to be if you make it be
Dreaming, seeing, believing and having faith - all that I have


=) Happy Bank Holiday and Jubilee Day! 


-x-

Yesterdays News

Gone are the days of younger
when it all just seemed so much slower
when you would sit in lessons and wonder, why the time crept passed so shyly.


Sometimes it will hit me hard, like a slap around my face
bringing with it the sudden pain and then Ill remain in this for a long time. 
I don't want you again though, if I am truthful about it, I don't want the old same mundane 
I want the new knocks me flying takes my breath away times
You know, like when you are with somebody new and its all a game 
A game you always win, a game you never get bored of, that is until the game ends...


Weekends fly by so much faster than I can remember
Age seems to fall into one big ball of 1 thing and its madness
I don't seem to see how quickly it goes
people are in our lives for mere seconds and then they are gone
just that second of eye contact, the glisten in their eyes, the smile on their face
the swapping telephone numbers, the promising to call, the texting the flirting, the wanting it all
the realising it has already ended, it ended when I walked away, when there was no lingering farewell kiss
just the whispered goodbye, just the hope in our eyes that, that wont be the last time


The always wanting the same old, but realising now its not meant to be 
it was not me back then,
I wasn't filled with glee or happiness just wanting the more and not getting it.


So not letting it get me 
Yesterdays news
it can be so predictable as we all know the end
we all see what happens next and where it leads us
down dark paths, winding streets, flickering lamps in the blistering rain
the wind blowing away the day that's just ending
the moon is out and big and bright and it glistens in the night sky as we all go to sleep
to dream about the days that have been and gone
about the people we long to see again
one day we say as we drift off into our deep sleep, our winding dreams, our wishes and longing 
us remembering being young and those people who no longer say good bye to us being there
grandparents that were once such celebrities in our eyes
the tears that fell and drowned us all when they left us 
the spinning world that just continues
the morning sun creeping through our curtains
the birds singing the tunes we all know so well
the getting up and ready and just carrying on 
working, learning, earning, mourning, missing, grieving, loving, wanting, needing, waiting, wishing, seeing, feeling, being, living, happy 
yesterdays news is something we all see
trying not to be 
too sad when it leaves
when the night ends
pleading with time to stop for us
praying to have one more moment with these people
wishing that you could turn it all around 
seeing it all disappear 
the night becomes a cloud above our heads




Accepting it all just happens
we are all to move on
you cant look backwards much longer
you miss out on all that's today otherwise




Gay Pride was amazing
Laughs were aplenty
Memories are etched in deep into my beating heart


Next stop... 
My Adventure - Germany.... Planning for my future
creating the now 
leaving the before
and looking forward to the after



x

Electric

what I miss is what I had
when we first met that day
do your remember it 
the butterflies 
the wondering the 'omg she could be the one' thoughts
to feel how I did when we first spoke to each other would be a dream come true
when we first made contact it took me a moment to realise what was happening


when we first kissed I melted 
the passion we shared I've not had since
the wanting and the need and the feelings were just so strong
fall deep 
fell fast
electric


I don't wish to ever forget her you see
she was the key to me and how it can be 
and should be 
and will be and I cant wait to see 
who it is she will be in my new journey
love is the best feeling in the world when its like that
the tears when we parted 
the wanting each other all the time 
the not too much but not too little
and just ever so right way of together 




relationships are frickin amazing
people I have met have been frickin hot
some are unforgettable
some are missed a lot
slowly I wait for the one to catch my eye
I meet people everyday
tomorrow is pride and I am so excited 
creating my 2nd memory of being a proud lesbian
and able to share the love and positive everybody else is there to breathe in




this is all
Electric Excitement 


Favourite song right now - 'We Are Young' Fun feat Janelle Monae 

Tonight
We are young
So let's set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun

Now I know that I'm not
All that you got
I guess that I, I just thought
Maybe we could find new ways to fall apart
But our friends are back
So let's raise a glass
'Cause I found someone to carry me home