Still hurts

It still hurts you know

That healing process has been going on for months

Like the wound that won’t seal

It pours out all over me sometimes

At night the tears are falling

I try all I can to control it but sometimes I just let it in

Let it consume

It has to

I’m still angry about it all the time 

Angry that it was him and us and now 

When life is already difficult 

When your career has become your life as you slowly drown below the expectations 

As you struggle to keep up with the mental well-being of all your students your staff and now family too

Hardest assault course I’ve ever been through 

Hated every second of it

Didn’t want to lose on my final day of college 

So I didn’t show up at all

Who was she

Run away at any risk of losing

These days I can be in last place and still push through 

It still hurts me though..

Seen as a role model

Me a role model?

Me inspiration 

Can’t quite get my breathe at those comments

I just blush and dismiss them

Crazy cat really aren’t I?

But I figure if I get better at this bit, the rest will fall in line 

Never really been someone who gives up 

I don’t give up on anyone

Not one student have I left behind

Drag them if I have to

Need that attitude with myself now

But just know

It still hurts

But I have faith in the healing