Petals on the floor

I close the window and I start to clear it all up 
days like these weren't too often but took so much out of me 
the room is feeling still for the first time in months
I am starting to miss your presence

I am de-cluttering and sorting and trying ever so hard to keep your scent
your chair is starting to look out of place
the flowers have seen better days
petals on the floor

I don't remember your laugh any more
the old family videos bring it all back though - although to listen is still tough
to keep the loving memory alive was never hard
I envisage you all from time to time

The sun is trying to push through the clouds, as my smile is through the tears
and I am sitting down in the garden with a glass in my hand
and I remember your voice - it arrives out of nowhere
it makes me feel safe and warmed
I don't need the sun for warmth any more

I know you are listening and watching my words 
and I will pray for you for all of my life
and this house won't be the same but will never forget
all our memories live out once more
in the shadows when the daylight fades
cars are fewer and the times are replayed

I breathe in deep all of the moments
I smile with the love 
we slip away out of this room
glance through the window
petals on the floor
pictures of the moments on the wall
vowing to never forget it all

R.I.P

To Write A Love Story

If I was to write a love story
I would start with you
the eyes that take me through the dimensions of this world like a fairground ride
the way you speak and how it soothes any stress away
how you smell and the way I smile when I catch it some place else

I would tell everyone how we met - the day I can never forget
how when you said my name, I shivered
how I felt like I had found my home - you were the only place I ever wanted to be
I would talk of my future plans all wrapped up in you
how I wanted to marry you and be the missing piece


I would gush when you walked into the room
I would almost cry when you held my hand
I would just be overwhelmed with how my life could of ever been without you

You would tell everyone how I was your girl
how much you loved me and recall the day I became your wife
I would born your children and we would just exist in the utopia of us


Nothing would ever be the same again
If I was to tell you a love story it would start with YOU
and you would meet ME
we would become an US
and forever we would be... together and ever so happy....

Independent Mind F*ck

Independent Mind F*ck
Lost faces and no expression
Jumping to the sound of my broken heart
Crying at the nothing
Mopping up the party mess
The party that lasted years
Tricking people with feelings
Wanting and receiving nothing
Losing the game
Pressing pause and just thinking
Breathing so deep it feels empty
Watching the moon brighten up the skies at night
Wishing on a star
Independent Mind F*ck
Never releasing the music to listen
Four walls
One Door
No window
Faith and all that Jazz
Not looking to make any sense

The Storm

the news told us that something was going to happen
that the world wasn't ready for
people started to panic and washing was brought in off the garden lines
windows were closed and locked and the doors were shutting out every room
there wasn't a sound

people were aware of the damage this kind of storm could cause
as they had all witnessed it before or heard about it
yet they waited in silence
huddled together

it started to get darker in the sky even though it wasn't a late hour
and the clouds started to move together and become filled with the angry rain
people were praying and asking for forgiveness even though in their hearts - they knew it was too little, too late
they just didn't want to leave it - let it just attack without apologising first

the air felt warmer and the darkness surrounded every house on every street as far as we could see
then the thunder started
it ripped through the sky, without a thought or a care
then the lightning
it was looking to scare every little face looking at it
it wanted us all to know that it would control us
then the rain threw itself onto all it could
crashing down on the houses the cars the streets
filling the roads with water
flooding the lot
just letting out this pain and anger and just ripping all we had
taking it all into darkness
roaring through the skies above


people would remember, they wouldn't dare forget
the day the sky was unhappy
the day those believed they had upset the heavens
but afterwards
the sun would shine
so bright and so warm
and all seemed calm once more
for we had learnt
we had witnessed and we would never forget..

So It Is..

so I tell you something
you would be shocked to hear
I wouldn't bend your ear
If you knew it fair enough
to not is probably just luck
for I am known for being intense and to the point
and the feelings I trigger I don't wish to hurt
so Ill just sit here and watch if that is OK
and not try too hard to wish away the day
and not hold my breathe when you say we will meet
and not try to cry as you walk away
and just let it be whatever it shall
and not get jealous or hung up still
just accept it and force out a smile
for this is the how and this is the now

Just

I wont say I am happy
I wont say I am sad
I'll just say that there's something that I miss

I wont say its your fault,
I wont say its mine
I'll just say its one of those things that happen

I wont try and stop you or make you change
I wont force you to see it or to listen
I wont go on and on till the names I spit resound in your dreams
I'll just sit quietly


I look at a blank page as I type out my head and I see the words form
and I don't feel upset or trapped or worried or scared
I just feel my heart pumping blood
I have lost the excitement I once had
The brain doesn't strain any more - I don't feel used or worthy
And by used, I mean purpose and by worthy I mean needed.

I am sat here waiting for lightening to strike, for my light bulb moment to lead me down the next path
until then, however... I will sit uncomfortably, in a life I feel I've grown out of... Praying for something to dawn on me

I do realise we all do as we wish and strive for what we want
I work hard
I just lost the point....

Ripped to shreds

I can't fix the problems in everyone's lives
although I once told myself I would
I promised myself I would make everyone smile however hard it was 
but I am starting to realise I cant always succeed in this

I don't remember much of myself as a young girl growing up
I do know I spent a lot of time alone and in my minds maze
I remember looking at people who looked sad and wanting to change it
I remember hearing people row and hating it
I remember just seeing the pain in peoples eyes and wanting to take it off their shoulders

I realise as I grow older, I am feeling heavier and I am looking tired
and I am struggling to hold up all that I have collected over the years
and when I look over my shoulder for that someone for me I realise I have pushed them all away
that I put too many people before me and now I leave myself with little 

I don't wish to regret one moment of my life but I do wish to explain the thoughts in my minds maze
I am tired of picking it all up, of caring all too much for those who just take take take
I don't want you all crying around me and pulling me down because I don't think this is fair
I don't want you blaming me for your mistakes or woes
and I don't want you putting your guilt into my soul

I have been through too many dark spells to have to keep revisiting them all with you
and I know that eventually you will find your clue
I love you but I now realise you don't need me 
and what hurts is the failure I feel I have left to contend with

such a young girl, with so many hopes of helping and sorting and caring for those I felt I could fix up for the new day ahead
it appears they just took it all for granted 
I see it and god knows it hurts deeper than you'll ever know
and I am not the kinda person to walk away without trying time after time I forget who I am

but I need to 
I need to just leave it
I need to accept that people will blame me and hate me and want me just stop
and I know I will struggle to do so
I say sorry when I feel in the wrong and I speak before thinking
but let me assure you all that my intentions were honest and I have never meant to hurt anyone

just a girl who felt it was her duty to help everyone she met
who saw behind the fake smiles and laughter
who took the time to hear you and listen and advise you
to be left with nothing for herself

not being selfish, just trying to salvage what I have left in this world...


Bo Bruce, " I had to let you go... but I just miss you..."