As that sea crashes into the coast like it always has
I breathe in deep and I hold it
I hold it for what feels like forever
I close my eyes and I see all the previous year in small pictures in my mind
Not in any order but all over the vast blank space
I delve into the images and zoom closer into the details
I can see it all happening again like a rerun
Except this is not a film or a tv series
This is 2024
This was my last year and it hurts to see it
It hurts to see the reality of decisions that I made
The people that came in and out of my life
The times I thought my life was getting better
To see images days later where it hadn’t
I can see the people who were mean and rude and toxic
I can see my feelings being hurt over and over
I watch as I cry myself to sleep
There are several of them
What is my legacy for 2024
Is it to be focused on the pain
Or the suffering
Or the let downs
Or is it to be focusing on the strength
And the ability to push on through
To get back up each day and fight for my life
Not the cancer but the life
To push on
To continue to show up for myself
To paint on my face get in that car and teach
Meet people and build a rapport
Put myself out for others
Even when they didn’t deserve it
These lessons are now scars
They cut me deep and I need to remember the pain
I need to remember what caused the scars and stop just focusing on the healing
Remember these people who led you in the dark
And fcuk off anyone who doesn’t serve you
Who doesn’t set your soul alight
Not just bits of serotonin Kim
I want the fcuking world to explode with it
