My life crashed
It wasn’t like I thought the worse it just felt unfair
The last time was so much trauma I didn’t feel strong enough to endure it all again
Life can flip on you like that sometimes
No personal reason for it it just does
The more I read about it the more I realise that these experiences are just shitty lessons
Never thought I’d need much more but obviously I do
But these recent times I have been scared of the possibilities of what I’ve found but also I feel like I need to see life for more than I have been
Endless possibilities that only inner demons and fear push me away from
If I want it I should get it
I went into a store the other day
I saw things I wanted and I brought them
I was surprised with how quickly and effortless my decisions to purchase these trainers and tees were but wow I adore what I got
Is that a lesson ? Maybe not to bankrupt myself but to enjoy the fruits of my labor
I mean I didn’t know if I’d ever come back from the year that was 2022.
I spent time thinking about my passion and career and nearly walked away from a role I thoroughly enjoy
Yes it’s stressful and intense and a challenge every day but it reminds me I’m alive
Even when numb I am able to truly feel
Feel it all and I love it
So yeah I am waiting on a letter an appointment
But I won’t stop living because of it
I will live harder in spite of it
It might realistically be nothing
But this feeling of how short and fast paced life really is
Was the only kick up the arse I really needed
Happy new year
Bring it on 2023
I am so ready for you
